Disapproval of Love

Ah, love. It's a magical feeling, no? When someone loves you as much as you love them, now that's even better...

Except for when it's all ripped away from you because your parent's disapprove!

This is exactly how a girl (let's call her Alexa) felt when the guy she loves (let's call him Marcus) is disapproved by her parents. Luckily her friend, Jessica, send me an e-mail explaining the situation. Now instead of going through it and handling it alone, she's got me to help her realise a few things. I'll also give her a few suggestions on what to do, so that Alexa doesn't lose her parent's trust or the guy who makes her happy.

The Story

Alexa and Marcus have been dating for a while now, Alexa is in love with Marcus and the feeling is mutual. Alexa is thirteen and Marcus is fourteen, so it's a young love, heh?

Alexa is very happy with her boyfriend and wanted her parents to meet him.

Yes, it does seem weird that a thirteen year old would do that, but it's what happened.

After her parents met him and he left, they turned to Alexa.

Now, before we continue, I'll need to inform you that Alexa is white and Marcus is coloured.Now that that's out there, let us continue.

They told her that they had a strange feeling about him and that she should stay away from him.

She asked them why and their answer was simple, "He's coloured and you're white."

She broke this off with him but still has feelings for him. They still send messages to each other but her parents don't know about it...

She told her friend, Jessica, her problem and Jessica asked that I post something that would help her friend, which, as you can clearly see, I am doing.

Advice



Oh dear, her parents are old school... Not good...

Darling, racism is a huge problem throughout the world and is something that needs to be fixed, but I can't wave a magic wand and make it disappear.

I support people who are white and coloured couples, not that I don't support dating your own race, I do, but I just don't see the problem with different races dating. I mean, imagine if a girl with red hair isn't allowed to date a boy with brown hair, that's just not right!

On the other hand, you should trust your parents. Remember, they were your age already and have gone through it all before. They're just protecting their little girl.And what's this about you not telling your parents you still contact him? Oh nuh-uh, girl now that just ain't right!

My advice to you would be:

1) To tell your parents, in a calm tone, that you've still got contact with him, no screaming, shouting or being immature and throwing a tantrum if they throw a fit. You're still only the child and you're still the bottom of the food chain here. Also, tell them when they're calm. I mean, are you seriously going to tell them after they just had a fight (or something)? No you're not!

2) Make sure that if you're going to have a conversation with him it's one that doesn't involve you calling him "love", "sweetie", "honey", "baby", "babe" or anything else of the sort. He'll think you're still in a relationship, just a secret one. And that, my dear, is a huge NO.

3) Be friends with him. Be buddies and never bring up any personal jokes or memories that you two shared when you were dating. It'll make the conversation awkward and make you feel guilty for possibly bringing up something that will bring back the sorrow of the break-up. For both of you.

4) Go out with your girlfriends and go meet new people. You never know who might catch your eye and get the approval of your parents. Plus, it'll help you recover from your severe case of heart-break for having to end it with the guy.

5) Do you have someone to talk to? Someone who'll listen and help you recover without telling others about it or giving you the cold shoulder. Vent your feelings to them to get it out of your system, if my hunch is correct you and your friend, Jessica, are pretty close. Why not vent to her?

I wish you luck on your path to recovery.

I hope you found this helpful and that you take my advice to heart.

I also hope this helped anyone else out there who had the same problem.

~Shay xxxx